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Back To School Anxiety

8/14/2017

9 Comments

 
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Feelings of anxiety and worry are normal during significant transitions. It's expected that children and teenagers feel nervous before the first day of school. Some children, however, experience more intense fear and subsequently tantrum, refuse and lash out prior to the start of school. If this is occurring, and lasting into the first few weeks of the school year it may be time to seek expert help. 

Below are some helpful reminders for your anxious kiddo leading up to the first day/week of school:

1. Avoidance is never the answer. Although the fear may be crippling, avoiding one's fear and anxiety often leads to more severe and long term problems. If your child is refusing, do what you can to get them to attend one class. If that seems impossible, can they make it to the counselor's office? It's important to identify small and realistic goals each step of the way. 

2. Do not provide too much reassurance to the worry. Reassurance to worry is like gasoline on the fire. It provides short term relief but can rob your child of their confidence in their own decision making. One question or concern requires assurance, being asked the same question repeatedly is reassurance seeking. Instead, help your child identify their concern and attempt to generate solutions to their problem. If this seems impossible it's likely the concern is unrealistic. This process can help them acknowledge this.

3. Your child's behavior is predictable. If they were an anxious child last year, and the year before, and the year before that, and they have not had specialized treatment please do not expect they have outgrown their distress. It's wishful thinking that causes chaos when they predictably melt down during the days leading up to school.  It's easier to avoid talking to your child about their worry. They are enjoying summer and you don't want to ruin it. Help them prepare for the first day by acknowledging their fears and articulating them. Talk about preparing for predictable feelings of anxiety and ways to manage it. 

4. In the spirit of preparation see if there are opportunities for your child to practice being at school during the summer. This could be during new student orientation, sports try-outs, or even teacher in-services. Try and spend time at the unfamiliar school and allow your child's brain to recognize there is no danger. It may be helpful to walk the route to each class ahead of time. Anxiety is fueled by uncertainty. In this occasion, it's helpful to reduce this as much as possible. 

5. Fitting in is terrifying. It will be helpful if your child has a friend, acquaintance, or familiar face when they arrive at school. Does the school have a program to help new students? Is there a neighbor kid they've made friends with? Some type of ally can help manage the initial worry of walking into a new place. 

6. Manage your own anxiety. Are you actually terrified for your child? Does the uncertainty make you anxious, or do you feel responsible for your child's emotional experience? Your anxiety is contagious and can compound you child's worries. If you recognize it's your stuff that's driving your interventions to take a deep breath and stop it. You are not actually responsible for your child's emotional experience. You can walk side by side them but can't own their stuff.

Kevin Ashworth
9 Comments
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12/28/2018 01:51:32 pm

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11/12/2020 04:44:17 am

This post is very useful. I was giving too much reassurance to my kid and now I understand that it is not the right thing to do. I do not talk about anxiety issues with my child even though he has some issues but then I was finding it hard to help him. This post has given me a lot of insight on the subject. I was thinking what else I can do. Is it ok to give him some CBD alternative wellness product because CBD has proven to cope up with anxiety but I am not sure is it good for kids or not?

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11/18/2020 01:30:19 am

School anxiety can be a burden for students and I have been noticing some strange behavior in my kid since a few days and I just thought my kid may be anxious. After going through the post I can understand how hard school anxiety is and dealing with it is not easy. I also have anxiety issues and I was smoking also which increased it and then I switched to vaping. I tried vapor liquids of different types and this made my mind calm. Now I am much better and I can vape whenever I am anxious but for my kid I need a proper solution. I will implement what you have said in this post and take care my kid can deal with this. Thanks for sharing such important information.

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  • Treatments
    • OCD
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    • Hoarding
  • Programs
    • The FOCUS Program
    • Individual Therapy
    • Group Therapy
    • Parenting Services >
      • Parent Training Program
      • Parent Coaching Course
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    • Presentations & Training
  • About
    • What is ERP?
    • Why NW Anxiety?
    • Our Team >
      • Allison Bonifay
      • Kevin Ashworth
      • Dr. Karan Randhava
      • Dr. Hayley Dauterman
      • Dr. Mara Esber
      • Jessica McKee
      • Ashley Wray
      • Michael Garcia
      • Dr. Robyn Dolson
      • Julie Kelly
      • Dannah Lougen
      • Nourah Raslan
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